You have reached Ai Meilian's LiveJournal.  Perhaps you've done an interest search or followed a post of mine from another friend or community in which I participate.  If you're taking the time to flip back to this entry, there is something important I'd like you to know.

This journal is "Friends Mostly."  While I am by nature an anti-secretive person, for security reasons I've put posts dealing with work or the more private aspects of my life behind a friends-lock.  No offense is intended by this!  If you're interested in reading more, post a comment or send a message -- I will more than likely reciprocate.

Brilliant yellow, red
scattered across the sidewalk—
autumn has arrived.

I haven't made many public posts lately, for which I apologise; yet I don't think many people are watching anyway.  But I thought I should make a quick note about some health issues & how I'm dealing with them.

( Dealing with “disability:” anxiety )

One of my friends right now is struggling with major depression.  I offered to pass along some tips that helped me survive its worst throes, and was really glad when they accepted the offer.  Just in case they're of use to anyone else, I thought I'd share them here, too.

NOTE:  These are what helped me.  Your Mileage May Vary.  If you're feeling depressed, please seek professional help.  Finding the right therapist unfortunately takes some time and energy, but it's worth it.

( Meilian's Tips for Surviving Depression )

This is what's helped me over the years.  Again, YMMV -- and anyone is welcome to share their own thoughts or tips here, too.

I made lentil salad tonight.  I've enjoyed this recipe a couple times before, but invariably I decide it needs A) more parsley (about 1/2 cup), B) more lemon juice (about 1/4 cup, or 1 lemon's worth), and C) a dash of red wine vinegar.  It's nice to have a light-tasting dish that provides healthy doses of protein and fibre.

Whenever I make epityrum, I have lots of fennel and mint left over.  While some of it inevitably goes to waste (I don't eat that much on my own), some time ago I happened across a Greek salad recipe from Lesbos which helps use up some of the leftovers from epityrum.  For solo eating, it's too complicated; but I developed a pared-down version that's pretty easy to make by the bowl.

( Marion's Lesbian Salad )

The result is a light, tasty salad that's just a little out-of-the-ordinary.  If you add egg, you'll get more protein and a somewhat richer meal.  Plus, it's simply fun to say "Oh yeah, I had a Lesbian salad for lunch!"

1 can (14 oz.) garbanzo beans, rinsed & drained
3 habanero peppers, seeded
2 fresno peppers
5-6 cloves garlic
1/2 cup tahini
juice of 1 1/2 lemons (~3/8 cup)
~ 1/4 cup water (or less, depending on how thick you like your hummus)
Cumin, coriander, sea salt to taste
OPTIONAL: a few dashes of paprika for colour

Blend ingredients in a food processor.  Serve with pitas.  CAUTION:  HOT!

Sometimes, the everyday activities of life can be deeply healing.

I took my cat to the vet; he got his splint off.  I napped.  I went shopping.  I got my hair cut.  I made epityrum for tomorrow.  I did some contract work.  I cleaned.  I talked to my girlfriend on the phone for a bit.  I gave Sam some good purrs.  Pretty boring, average, quotidian stuff.

And yet, I feel so radiantly happy!  I am just filled with joy at being alive.  I could dance or make music.  I am deeply peaceful and content.

I'm sure part of it is just "letting go" and taking care of my tasks without clinging to other thoughts.  That's something I did not do today: fret over work.  That has its time and place, and it is not now.  And in letting go of that I awaken to just how stressful things have been lately; it's something I'll have to reflect further upon, later.

I'm also sure part of it is having a wonderful, beautiful, caring girlfriend.  I've learned to love myself over the last few years, to be sure; but it's very different when someone else is sharing in that love.  It fits into what a former therapist said two years ago:  "You don't fully experience yourself with no friends to reflect yourself back to you."  I'm still not sure I buy the absoluteness of her statement; but I can definitely say it adds a different dimension.  It's always easy to gloss over one's better points; even being cognisant of them, acceptance that one is a good/interesting/creative/desireable person seems to remain at a surface level.  It penetrates more deeply when someone else tells or shows you.  Thank you, sweetheart :)

Enough philosophising; it's been a full day, and tomorrow is likely to be full as well.  I've earned my rest tonight!

Sam got his splint taken off today.  Yay!  And apparently he was quite well-behaved, so no anaesthaesia was involved.  He must have realised that off = good, even when dealing with the scary humans in the blue smocks.

And now it's nap-time for both of us!

The bawu (巴乌) has such a pretty sound.  Someday I should get one and learn how to play.

EDIT:  Not surprisingly, Lark in the Morning sells bawu, and for somewhat cheaper than expected; their prices usually seem quite inflated for imports.  (Not that I can fault them; they practically have a monopoly on non-Western instrument imports and seem to maintain a huge inventory of things that move very, very slowly.  Have to recoup the costs somehow.)

They also have a really cool-looking book called Play the World - The 101 Instrument Primer.  While I have misgivings about the quality of instruction such a tome can actually provide, it may prove too tempting to pass up...

While walking in to work this morning, on the sidewalk of a fairly major intersection I found an inkstone.  Plain, dark grey, probably Japanese, with a few chinks along the edges. 

I left it there on the theory that if someone was walking or bussing by and lost their inkstone in transit, they may try to retrace their steps.  But what an odd thing to lose!  I'd expect the act of losing it would be fairly noticeable, but one never knows.

Enjoyed Up with Dad.  I think I'd be up for seeing the 3D version as well.  But for now, nap times.

My iPhone won't synch.  I couldn't figure out why in the time I had this morning. I'll try again when I get home.

Plus, I noticed that overnight the batteries seemed to drain more than usual.  It's almost as if Apple programmed it to start having troubles right when they came out with a new product...

(Not that I believe that in the slightest, mind you.)

OK, it's really just the bow.  But as I was dusting off a few albums to share with a friend, I listened to them, and was inspired to dust off my erhu (Chinese two-stringed fiddle) as well; it's been a few months.  On doing so, I discovered that the bow has almost completely unhaired itself.

Truth be told, it's been on its way out since jdm314  was kind enough to buy one on my behalf whilst in China several years ago.  The bow was shedding enough from the start that I carefully retied  the hair at the frog (near where it's held).  That helped stave off the inevitable, but even good bow care could not prevent it entirely.

Somewhere in my more obscure musical contacts, I got a reference for erhu bows, which I'll have to look up again.  This person had suggested it as an igil bow (Tuvan horsehead fiddle, but very different from the Mongolian kind).  When I get around to replacing the bow, I'll have to get a couple, since at some point I'm liable to try the igil as well...

I found this letter from a freed slave to his former master, declining an offer of 're-employment,' quite powerful.  Enough so that I had to share here.

(From a friend, via Ta-Nehesi Coates in The Atlantic.)

I'm starting to think my purse is warping space-time just a wee bit, or else just exhibiting quantum effects at macro-scale.  Several times in the last week, I've nearly emptied it in search of some item or other, to no avail -- only to run into such item later, when I wasn't looking for it.

Kind of the proverbial "bag of holding" that contains more than should be physically possible, yet from which one can't always retrieve what's desired from it...

Even though things almost always turn out delicious in the end, kitchen physics sometimes baffle me.  For example, how can doubling a recipe for two (2) bindaetteok (mung bean pancakes) yield... eleven?!

Hopefully they'll freeze and reheat well, since that's the destiny for the nine left over.

My only guess is that somehow I made them much thinner without really realising it.  Which is, in fact, quite probable: instead of painstakingly chopping up the green onions and kimchi, I just added them to the food processor and gave it a quick pulse or two.  Quite satisfactory, all told -- just more deliciousness than I'd anticipated!

Want.  Not much more to say than that.

Went in for a checkup and rabies shot today.  Sam seems to be doing just fine.  In fact, as of last night he's already figured how to get up into -- and down off of -- his big ol' cat tree.  Talk about stubborn!

Meanwhile, I never noticed until his accident just how much of a lefty he is.  Pity that's his busted paw, but he's sure not letting that slow him down TOO much.

So today I finally got to making salsa, as I'd wanted to all week -- I've either been too sick or too busy 'til now.  But I think I've hit upon a very good, if fairly unorthodox, recipe -- at least it suits my palate quite nicely!

The recipe still needs a bit of tinkering though, so I'm not ready to share it in full yet.  But for now I'll just say it involves unspecified quantities of cinnamon, unsweetened cocoa powder, and red wine.  And a whole heck of a lot of garlic.  I'll probably post the recipe in about a month, as I expect it will take a couple more iterations to perfect -- and I only make salsa about once every other week, these days.